Meet The New Boss…

Meet The New Boss…

The Labour Party leadership contest, which seems to have been going on since the dawn of time and still has at least five thousand years to run before it reaches its conclusion – has (for me) been relentlessly dull so far.  I suppose the best thing you can say about it is that they haven’t done what many of us presumed they would and torn their party to shreds in a Freddy Krueger-style political splatterfest.

Perhaps their fairly non-confrontational contest comes from their electoral annihilation being not quite as disastrous as most commentators (me included) thought it would be.  It would appear that they believe Labour still has something to say.  I disagree – New Labour’s ‘ideas’, such as they are, have been thoroughly discredited.  Their economic arguments have failed.  Their intellectual position has about as much relevance as that of the Flat Earth Society (and that is, perhaps, being unfair to the Flat Earth Society).  Yet for the most part the leaders are still clinging to the “New” part of New Labour because Old Labour – real socialism – is even more unlikely to reap electoral rewards. 

What these potential leaders need to get to grips with is the cunning and malevolent dark genius of Gordon Brown.  Our ex-Prime Minister and ex-chancellor did not convince anybody with his clever policies or win anybody over with his imaginative governance.  He purchased votes through dependency.  That is why Labour’s share of the vote – though it did collapse in a dramatic fashion  - still kept a sizeable core.  Those votes were bought and paid for fair and square.  Our children and grandchilden have the I.O.U. for Gordon’s cynical handouts and grotesque public sector inflation.

So, Labour-voters, you are left with a wonderful selection of candidates who all share a few key traits; their remarkably similiar educations, their remarkably similar policy positions and their remarkably similar cynical refusal to admit where their party went wrong.  (Which was just about everywhere, so I can see the dilemma.)

David Miliband
Nickname: “Brains” (apparently)
Famous For: His Love Of Bananas
Main Asset: He isn’t Gordon Brown
Main Detriment:  He IS David Miliband

“Look!  It’s a banana!  Hee hee! Banana!  Hee!”

Ed Miliband
Nickname:  They just call him “Ed”
Famous For: Being quite popular with the Trade Unions
Main Asset: He wrote the Labour Party 2010 manifesto
Main Detriment: He wrote the Labour Party 2010 manifesto

“I can move objects with only my mind.”

Ed Balls
Nickname: To his face – they just call him “Ed” too.
Famous For: Being a close ally of Gordon Brown
Main Asset: He can’t get much more unpopular than he is now
Main Detriment: He holds a very marginal constituency

“Honk honk.”

Andy Burnham
Nickname: Nobody really cares.
Famous For: Basically, nothing.
Main Asset: He looks like one of the Thunderbirds*
Main Detriment: He is blander than porridge.

Diane Abbott
Nickname: Her name is her brand.
Famous For: Being on TV a lot.
Main Asset: She doesn’t look or sound like the other candidates.
Main Detriment: George Bush has more chance of winning the Labour leadership contest than she has.

Conclusion

So, I suppose the Labour voters probably aren’t waiting with baited breath on who this blog “comes out” for?  I thought not.  But nevertheless, Getting The Message Out intends to do so.  I’ve given it a lot of thought and tried to be as non-partisan as I can in concluding who is the best person to lead Labour in your ongoing attempts to regain some trust and credibility. 

My vote?  Ed Balls.  Definitely Ed Balls.  Trust me.  I wouldn’t lie to you.

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“Meet the new boss – same as the old boss”
- “Won’t Get Fooled Again”, The Who

*Yes, I do know my Thunderbirds from my Captain Scarlets. Don’t get cocky.