This, That & The Other (Reprise)

This

I spent today in London at the Houses Of Parliament.  Steve Barclay MP secured tickets for my mother and I to go see Prime Minister’s Questions – but since the Prime Minister was out of the country it fell to Nick Clegg to face the Wrath Of Khan Jack Straw.  I have to grudgingly admit to my Liberal Democrat pals that Nick was on fire – his verbal dexterity beat the living tar out of a struggling and blustering Jack while barely breaking a sweat himself.  The Labour herd, moo-ing and jeering as best they were able, still didn’t manage to change the end result.  In fact, i’m not sure Straw scored even a single hit on the Deputy In Yellow. 

The fact is – although I enjoyed Nick Clegg’s responses very much (and so did everybody else in the gallery) there was no need for him to reply at all.  As I remarked to my Mum, he could have just as easily raised a little placard that had the words: “You spent all the money” on it and waved it at the opposition after every question.  Why have you cut this thing?  You spent all the money.  Why are you cutting that thing?  You spent all the money.  Why are you doing this horrible, disastrous thing that will end the world as we know it?  You spent all the money.  What makes the response so powerful, so difficult to challenge, is that its absolutely right and (mostly) everybody knows it.  Everybody who isn’t Labour, anyway.  They are still living in denial. 

Steve Barclay managed to squeeze some time between meetings to show us around the House on a whirlwind tour.  I’ve never been before so this was really quite exhilerating for me.  And while anything I say or describe could not possibly do justice to the incredible grandeur and historic elegance that is our seat of government I would make one simple comment that sums it up nicely for me : In the United Kingdom we know how to do ceremony, don’t we?  We understand that celebrating our long and colourful history and keeping our breathtaking buildings in excellent order adds infinite gravity to all that goes on there.  What an amazing place.

That

I caught on the news today that a court in Israel has just convicted a man of a crime called: “Deception Rape.”  What the man did was lie in order to talk a young lady into having ”personal relations” with him.  The act itself was entirely consensual and neither party denies that at all.  A newspaper explains that she is unhappy because in their brief courtship he told her he was Jewish, but in fact turned out to be a Palestinian.  He also told her that he wanted a “committed relationship” and then left before she had even gotten dressed.  The court agreed that  this was a serious crime, found him guilty of a form of rape and gave him a custodial sentence. 

The guy was clearly what we’d have called a “cad” in the old days or what might now be called a “player” by people who have forgotten that there are actually nice ways for men and women to treat one another.  Liars of this kind are what mums and dads warn their daughters about all over the world.  But are Israel serious in setting a precedent that engaging in some sort of deception during seduction means that a person can be tried for rape? 

This seems a very bad idea to me.  Rape is one of the most serious of all crimes – a violent, horrific, terrible act and to compare it to any completely consensual pairing between adults is an insult to those people who have been its tragic victims. 

Thinking back to my teenage years - I remember many people engaging in exactly this kind of ‘deception’ in order to woo.  One person I knew used to tell every girl he met that he was a professional footballer – and, as amazing as it might seem, I think some believed it!  I have it on good authority that even young ladies have been known to tell a porky or two while chatting to a potential beau. 

If any single young men out there were considering travelling to Israel in the near future might I respectfully suggest that you are very careful what you say and who you say it to.  The last thing you would want is claim to be from London when you are in fact from Winkleton-on-sea, or that you are athletic and energetic when you are in fact an asthmatic dominoes player, or that you have a mountain of money when you have in fact spent all the money.   You might end up in court with very serious charges against you.

The Other

Apparently the news folk were in a bit of a tizzy about today’s various announcements regarding withdrawal from Afghanistan.  I wonder if they were short of news – because it seemed perfectly clear to me.  But time and again I heard some journalist ask something along the lines of: “Are we going to withdraw our forces by 2015, or is it dependent on the situation?  You can’t have it both ways.”

I was left feeling pretty nonplussed by these odd comments.  I suppose it was mostly driven by Labour, who are so desperate to find policy targets to shoot at that they are now inventing the most improbable challenges – apparently just to hear the sound of their own voices.  The BBC, of course, is always happy to oblige.

What I got from the announcement was this:  We want to have troops out by 2015.  We expect to have troops our by 2015.  It is our sincere ambition to have troops out by 2015.  But because wars have a surprising way of developing in directions you can’t always guess in advance – we wont absolutely promise it. 

This seems reassuring and patently sensible to me.  I pondered why the Labour party would struggle with the simple concept that there is a goal which we expect to meet – but that we wouldn’t sign a name in blood on the document because we recognise that situations can change suddenly.  And then I remembered that they are the Labour Party and trying to puzzle out their thought patterns is like trying to get into the head of the guy on the bridge in Edvard Munch’s “The Scream.”  You have to share their strange world to have any chance at all.  Oh – and don’t forget - They Spent All The Money.