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Meet The New Boss…
July 8th, 2010
Meet The New Boss…
The Labour Party leadership contest, which seems to have been going on since the dawn of time and still has at least five thousand years to run before it reaches its conclusion – has (for me) been relentlessly dull so far. I suppose the best thing you can say about it is that they haven’t done what many of us presumed they would and torn their party to shreds in a Freddy Krueger-style political splatterfest.
Perhaps their fairly non-confrontational contest comes from their electoral annihilation being not quite as disastrous as most commentators (me included) thought it would be. It would appear that they believe Labour still has something to say. I disagree – New Labour’s ‘ideas’, such as they are, have been thoroughly discredited. Their economic arguments have failed. Their intellectual position has about as much relevance as that of the Flat Earth Society (and that is, perhaps, being unfair to the Flat Earth Society). Yet for the most part the leaders are still clinging to the “New” part of New Labour because Old Labour – real socialism – is even more unlikely to reap electoral rewards.
What these potential leaders need to get to grips with is the cunning and malevolent dark genius of Gordon Brown. Our ex-Prime Minister and ex-chancellor did not convince anybody with his clever policies or win anybody over with his imaginative governance. He purchased votes through dependency. That is why Labour’s share of the vote – though it did collapse in a dramatic fashion - still kept a sizeable core. Those votes were bought and paid for fair and square. Our children and grandchilden have the I.O.U. for Gordon’s cynical handouts and grotesque public sector inflation.
So, Labour-voters, you are left with a wonderful selection of candidates who all share a few key traits; their remarkably similiar educations, their remarkably similar policy positions and their remarkably similar cynical refusal to admit where their party went wrong. (Which was just about everywhere, so I can see the dilemma.)
David Miliband
Nickname: “Brains” (apparently)
Famous For: His Love Of Bananas
Main Asset: He isn’t Gordon Brown
Main Detriment: He IS David Miliband
“Look! It’s a banana! Hee hee! Banana! Hee!”
Ed Miliband
Nickname: They just call him “Ed”
Famous For: Being quite popular with the Trade Unions
Main Asset: He wrote the Labour Party 2010 manifesto
Main Detriment: He wrote the Labour Party 2010 manifesto
“I can move objects with only my mind.”
Ed Balls
Nickname: To his face – they just call him “Ed” too.
Famous For: Being a close ally of Gordon Brown
Main Asset: He can’t get much more unpopular than he is now
Main Detriment: He holds a very marginal constituency
“Honk honk.”
Andy Burnham
Nickname: Nobody really cares.
Famous For: Basically, nothing.
Main Asset: He looks like one of the Thunderbirds*
Main Detriment: He is blander than porridge.
Diane Abbott
Nickname: Her name is her brand.
Famous For: Being on TV a lot.
Main Asset: She doesn’t look or sound like the other candidates.
Main Detriment: George Bush has more chance of winning the Labour leadership contest than she has.
Conclusion
So, I suppose the Labour voters probably aren’t waiting with baited breath on who this blog “comes out” for? I thought not. But nevertheless, Getting The Message Out intends to do so. I’ve given it a lot of thought and tried to be as non-partisan as I can in concluding who is the best person to lead Labour in your ongoing attempts to regain some trust and credibility.
My vote? Ed Balls. Definitely Ed Balls. Trust me. I wouldn’t lie to you.
________________________________________
“Meet the new boss – same as the old boss”
- “Won’t Get Fooled Again”, The Who
*Yes, I do know my Thunderbirds from my Captain Scarlets. Don’t get cocky.
11 Responses to “Meet The New Boss…”
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I just hope that Ed Miliband goes out in the first round. Nor due to any reason other than i’ll know who the newsreaders mean when I only hear them say ‘Ed’ or ‘Miliband’.
On the actual people, i really don’t want Ed Balls to win (although that could give good headlines for the papers).
not sure about the others though, still haven’t seen any proper policeis from them – when is the vote, again?
That is ridiculously funny! I’d forgotten there was a contest going on, it’s hardly making headline news.
One thing all candidates can say during this leadership election is that they have never ignored difficult allegations of drug use by simply saying that they and other polticians were entitled to a “private past”.
Great writing and pic selection – burnham uncannily similar to his parody pic. I think banana Miliband will get it.
Moderator (Steve Tierney)’s Response:
The “drug allegations” thing is definitely your equivalent of Reg’s Guided Bus.
I was thinking about it and although we scoff, and that is undoubtedly fun it is entirely possible that the winner will be, if not actually the next, then a future Prime Minister. In that context I would vote for Miliband if I were a Labour Party member.
Moderator (Steve Tierney)’s Response:
If either of the Millibands ever becomes Prime Minister – you’ll have to travel to New Zealand, or Australia, for your Monday Night gaming session – because that’s where I’ll be living.
I think I’ve mentioned the drugs thing twice. Hardly classes it as a Reg fetish surely, and I think his thing is PR not Guided Buses.
You do realise there’s a Labor government in Australia right?
Moderator (Steve Tierney)’s Response:-
Three times. It has the ‘feel’ of a fetish though. It really seems to bother you. Which is odd, since I don’t think most other people give a hoot about it. People are entitled to make mistakes in their youth – which is just as well for many of us.
As for the government of Australia – I’m aware of the current political makeup of its government. I wasn’t suggesting I’d ever go there – but it’s not Labour per se that bother me (after all, we’ve just had thirteen horrible years of them and the country has just about survived it) – but certain faces within the Labour party. I was ashamed to have GB as prime minister – but at least nobody ever actually elected him so I could blame the system rather than the people.
Three times, so this is the lucky one.
My concern is that it is odd that while every poltician at the time said whether they took soft drugs, he did not. I think the reason was that if he came out and said “Yes I took x at school” the question would then be asked “did you take hard drugs while a senior PR exec later in life”. If he then answered with the “private past” stance he would look bad.
I think that if someone is making key choices for the country i.e. a finger on the nuclear tigger I would prefer that they hadn’t taken Class A drugs with all the potential effects that could have on their decision making ability, however small. I would like to know. I disliked Clinton and Bush for the same reason.
Moderator (Steve Tierney)’s Response:
Well, you are certainly entitled to your opinion. I believe that people are entitled to a private past and that – in the absence of any criminal conviction – they have a right to say: “Mind your own business.” I have never taken any sort of recreational drug in my life, but if the press asked me I would say: “Mind your own business.” If you don’t like the fact that DC wouldn’t answer then you don’t have to vote for him. For myself, it made me like him more. He could have just said: “I’ve never done it” and made his life easier. But he chose what I think was a principled and reasonable approach.
Maybe he’s taken drugs, maybe he hasn’t. Let’s face it – its altogether more common than any of us would like – and than many would like to admit. I don’t think having made a silly mistake when he was a kid (very many young people do make some kind of mistake at some point) should damage his political career in later life. I suspect we’d have a LOT fewer politicians in their current jobs if we took that kind of puritanical attitude. Give me real people who have made mistakes over fake people who pretend to have made none any day. I liked Clinton and Bush for the same reason (though Bush – less so. Too authoritarian for me.)
Steve, it has nothing to do with a puritanical viewpoint, it’s not a moral perspective, it’s a practical concern I have for the potential mental health issues that has come from alleged consumption of Class A and B drugs, the former as an adult.
For example if a politician was into auto-erotic asphyxiation I would take a dim view on this not for reasons of morality but for a reckless approach to risk taking and danger. Ditto prostitutes or cruising in parks for example.
If a senior politician has made mistakes and they are mistakes for which they could be arrested for then and now, I would like to know what they are before I take a view on it. I don’t want to be told that its none of my business and that I’m presumed to be puritanical for asking or wanting to know.
What ever happened to owning up to mistakes as being a virtue?
Moderator (Steve Tierney)’s Response:
So why not run through the entire litany of potential crimes and ask every politician who aspires to higher office:
“Have you ever wilfully set fire to something?”
“Have you ever stumbled into somebody’s guarden, drunk, and been physically ill on their gnomes?”
“Have you ever bullied somebody in order to make yourself look better?”
“Have you ever climbed up a fir tree, dressed as the Pink Panther, and mooned the occupant of a first floor flat?”
“Have you ever chained yourself to railings ostensibly to prevent some terrible injustice – but mostly just to impress a young lady activist?”
They all make great headlines. But I just have better things to do than speculating about people’s youths. I just don’t care about years ago in the past. Not that i’m arguing with you over the potential mental and physical health dangers of drugs at all. Just that I recognise that almost every one of us has done something stupid when they were young. David Cameron may, or may not, be one of those. I only care what he’s like now. We all go on a journey. I prefer not to judge people by the route they take – but by the destination they arrive at.
Half the District Council are on wacky baccy aren’t they ? How else can we account for some of their stranger decisions ?
Moderator (Steve Tierney)’s Response:
(Keeps a straight face.)
And as for Adam Baddeley who brought up a petty political topic utterly unrelated to the original thread, as his wife tell him they say on Mumsnet – twunt. Drug taking is an interesting thing but it’s a bit gauche to bring it up unprompted.
But this is a leadership debate and the last time a major poltical party had one in the UK, drug taking did become a issue. I was drawing comparisons thus making it related. Plus the style of the original post and my original point was intended to be humourous and sarcastic. The subsequent response and discussion was less so but took on a life of its own and the thread developed.
I trump your twunt (assuming that we are both consenting adults)
Moderator (Steve Tierney)’s Response:
Nevertheless, it was quite a clever rehash of your own words by “Circus Circus.” I enjoyed it.
I agree (better buy safety matting)